Usher can't believe his ears, eyes
What happened was a contestant unisexily named Kris Thomas belted out the Whitney Houston standard "Saving All My Love For You" during Monday's Blind Auditions--and despite the fact that he altered the song's "no other man's gonna do" line to say "no other girl," which should have been a tipoff, none of the judges picked up on that gender switch; Kris's prepubescently high-pitched voice clearly had all four coaches convinced that they were listening to a female vocalist. Shakira was the first and only coach to hit her red button for Kris--and when she spun around and saw a ruggedly handsome 27-year-old man singing in front of her, instead of gasping in shock (and thus stirring up her castmates' curiosity and causing them to turn their chairs as well), she kept quiet. None of the other judges had any idea what was going on, until Kris's song was over and they turned around themselves.
"Hey…you're a DUDE!" Usher exclaimed when he finally got a gander at Kris, confessing that he would've hit his button if he'd known the truth, because "women go crazy over a guy with a falsetto." Adam also admitted, "I would have turned, if I'd known!" But it was too late. Kris was now officially on Team Shakira.
Well-played, Shakira. Well-played.
In general, Shakira and Usher fit right in on "The Voice," showing no signs of being intimidated by their more seasoned castmates, longtime bromancers Adam and Blake (both of whom already have "Voice" victories under their belts). Shakira frequently joked that Adam and Blake were "jaded" judges who'd only won before due to "beginner's luck," and she strategically played what the other judges called "the female card," trying to recruit promising lady auditioners by arguing that they needed a fellow woman on their side. Usher, meanwhile, shamelessly played "the Bieber card" every chance he got--constantly pointing out that, despite being a newcomer to "The Voice," he's already a proven starmaker, having helped discover and launch the one and only Justin Bieber. At one point, Usher practically promised one 16-year-old girl Bieber backstage passes if she joined his team. Wow. The hyper-competitive Adam Levine just may have met his match.
One way the new coaches were perfectly matched--and one way in which they played nice--was Monday's fantastic opening number, when they all came together, so to speak, for a rousing and rocking cover of the Beatles' barnstormer "Come Together." With Adam on drums, Blake on guitar, Shakira on harmonica, Usher on bass (who knew Shakira played harmonica and Usher played bass?), and plenty of pyro, this fab four totally owned the stage. It was actually enough to make me not even miss Xtina and Cee Lo. (Okay, okay, I missed Cee Lo just a little bit…but this was very awesome nonetheless.)
But of course, for any talent show to succeed, the performances by the contestants have to be just as wowing as the ones by any revolving cast of superstar judges. Thankfully, "The Voice"--which really stepped it up in Season 3, with its best array of talent yet--didn't disappoint with its first episode of Season 4, and the Blind Auditioners once again proved that "The Voice" is so much more than the sum of its coaches.
Here's who also successfully tried out on Monday:
The Morgan Twins - Obviously, even if Cara and Rhian Morgan couldn't sing a lick, the show's three male coaches would have wanted them anyway, once they got an eyeful of these bombshells' identical hotness. Pretty twins with matchy-matchy bandage dresses and big blonde hair? Sheesh, I could practically imagine Adam or Blake writing to Penthouse Forum about this particular audition. ("I never thought it would happen to me…") And if Cee Lo was watching this episode from his "Loberace" Vegas suite Monday night, he was probably very, very bummed that he took this season off. (Personally, I preferred the Morgans' former cutesy-retro look, when they got their start in a '60s-style girl group, but that's just me.) "Is this for real? This is a dream come true for most men! This is a damn Doublemint commercial!" exclaimed Blake when he turned around. Thankfully, these girls could also sing, possessing the kind of perfect honeyed harmonies that only siblings, especially twins, can pull off. ("That's like DNA," Adam noted.) All four coaches fought hard for the sisters--with sassy Shakira, playing the "female card" of course, pointing out that she was probably the only judge not interested solely in the Morgans' sexy twinsiness. But the girls eventually chose to join Team Blake. "Your wife's gonna kill you, man," Adam teased Blake--an interesting and amusing comment in light of recent tabloid rumors about Blake's supposedly rocky marriage to Miranda Lambert. Adam was just stirring up you-know-what, of course, but we'll see if Miranda makes any surprise visits to the "Voice" set during the Morgans' mentoring sessions.
MEMBER OF: Team Blake
Jess Kellner - Every "Voice" season needs an ethereal indie girl (one of my favorite "Voice" archetypes), and this 21-year-old Austin hairdresser could very well be Season 4's Lindsey Pavao or Melanie Martinez. I couldn't help falling in love with her gorgeously torchy, goosebump-raising cover of Elvis Presley's "Can't Help Falling In Love," and neither could Usher and Shakira, who had to directly face off for the first time when they both turned around. "The newbies are gonna fight, which is going to be so exciting to watch!" Adam devilishly declared. Shakira admitted that Jess had some vocal "obstacles" and confidence issues to overcome, but the ultra-competitive Usher went in for the hard sell (he even flirted a bit, too). "I'm so glad you're gonna be on my team," he drawled, prematurely and overconfidently. "You wanna last forever? Come rock with me." Unsurprisingly, Jess went with Usher. I think Adam (who passed on Jess because he, somewhat wrongly, thought she sounded too Adele-esque) would have been the best mentor for Jess--and if he has a chance later, I wouldn't be surprised if he goes in for the Steal. But clearly Jess has aligned herself with a very supportive coach for now.
MEMBER OF: Team Usher
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